


Something Close to Contentment

by cptsdgavino (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cute I dunno, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Season/Series 09, TW: Panic Attacks, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2013-12-27
Packaged: 2018-01-06 07:42:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1104218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/cptsdgavino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coda to 9.06: Dean needs to say sorry but Castiel isn't stable enough to fully accept it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Close to Contentment

**Author's Note:**

> For my Maddy: who even after seeing me have a panic attack still wanted me to write this <3 
> 
> Unbeta'd so please forgive mistakes.

"Where to, Cas?" Dean smiled wearily at the former angel, who responded by climbing wordlessly into the passenger side of the Impala. Dean shrugged and climbed into the drivers seat. 

Turning on the car, Dean turned to Cas, "What do you want to do?"

"You can take me back to the Gas and Sip. I have a sleeping bag there and I'll be out of your way--"

"Woah woah woah, you are not sleeping in a gas station. Not when I have a hotel room and your wrist needs fixing." 

Cas looked down at his shoes as Dean pulled into the road, "Dean, you don't have to." Cas muttered. 

"I want to." Dean looked over at Cas, his lip was bleeding and he was cradling his wrist. Dean noticed his hair was sticking out in all directions and his shirt was still slightly unbuttoned. He looked, for lack of a better word, hot. 

"Thank you, Dean." Cas smiled. 

Unconsciously licking his lips, Dean turned back to the road, "No problem, Cas." 

_____~•~____

After the pair had gotten into the hotel room, and Dean had fashioned a splint for Cas' wrist, the two sat next to each other on the bed watching some random sitcom, their thighs touching softly. Dean was no longer paying attention to the show, rather he was watching Cas who was practically engrossed in the show. Dean watched his eyelashes move as he blinked, he watched the way his pink tongue darted out occasionally to wet his chapped lips. They all were very human things. It suddenly hit Dean how fragile Cas actually was now, and he mentally hit himself for telling him to leave. 

"Hey Cas," Dean whispered almost quietly enough to miss. 

"Hm?" Cas replied without pulling his gaze from the grainy picture on the television. 

"I'm sorry I made you leave." Dean said, quieter than before. 

That pulled Cas' attention from the screen. His sad blue eyes meeting green ones. Dean waited for the feeling of Cas looking straight through him to his soul. But it never came and Dean's chest constricted. 

It was minutes, hours, maybe years before Cas spoke again, his gaze never leaving Dean's, "Why did you make me leave, Dean?"

Dean wanted to sob. He wanted to tell him that Sammy's life was in danger, that he had no choice, that he did what he had to. But he couldn't. Dean's head was swimming for an explanation a way too apologize. Soon with little warning, Dean found himself unconsciously moving closer to Cas, lowering his voice to barely more than a whisper. They were so close, he didn't need to speak louder, "I can't tell you why." He said. 

He heard Cas sigh, and Dean made up his mind. As if moving in a trance, he moved ever closer, his lips mere centimeters from Cas', "I'm sorry," he breathed before closing the gap between their chapped lips. 

Cas' gasp was quickly swallowed by Dean pressing his lips harder against his. And soon Cas was participating in the kiss just as much as Dean, sending shivers down his spine as he licked his way into Dean's mouth. 

Soon the men pulled apart, breathing heavily into each other's mouths. Unwilling to move any further apart than they had to. 

"I'm so sorry, Cas." Dean breathed. 

"I forgive you, Dean" Cas smiled as he blindly reached for the remote to turn off the television. 

When their ears were met with blissful silence Dean grinned and threw his leg over Cas' so he was straddling his lap. Cas chuckled before lifting his head to meet their lips again. Dean lifted his hands to cradle Cas' head, rubbing circles in his cheeks with his thumbs. Cas moaned into his mouth, sending sparks of arousal down past his fluttering stomach. Dean involuntarily bucked his hips against Cas' who gasped in return. 

"Dean!" Cas moaned.

Dean smiled as he moved to suck bruises onto Cas' neck, loving how he could feel his breath hitch beneath his lips. Dean selfishly relished the fact that the bruises he left on Cas' would stay now that he's human. 

Careful as to not hurt Cas' wrist further, Dean reached down to hold Cas' hands in his, giving Cas room to buck his hips up harshly into Dean's. Dean chuckled, "Need something?" He grinned into Cas' neck.

"More. Dean, please." Cas groaned.

"You sure?" 

"Dean." It was no longer a plead. 

Smiling, Dean slowly started to unbutton Cas' shirt the rest of the way, kissing his way down his chest as he moved. Cas had gone silent but Dean thought nothing of it. He pushed Cas' shirt the rest of the way off. After pulling his own shirt over his head, Dean continued to kiss his way down Cas' tummy. Gently pushing him down, Dean trailed his hands down Cas' waist and to the hem of his jeans.

"Dean." Cas moaned. Or maybe it wasn't a moan. Dean couldn't really tell. Moving his hands to Cas' fly, Dean began to undo the button. He barely registered Cas saying his name. He was repeating it. Quiet but there, a steady string of "Dean Dean Dean" 

Moving his hands slowly under the hem on Cas' boxers. Dean slowly started to pull them down along with his jeans. 

But Cas cut him off with a scream. 

"Dean! Dean stop! Dean! Dean!" Cas sobbed 

"Cas! Whats wrong?" Dean moved his hands off of Cas, only then did he notice that Cas was shaking and hyperventilating beneath him. 

Dean pushed himself off of Cas as he sat up and hung his head in his hands, he was still hyperventilating and then, Dean noticed, he was crying.

"Cas? Cas, tell me what's wrong!" Dean practically demanded. 

"I-I don't know.. " Cas' voice broke, "This happened with the school bus-- the-the angel. Dean I feel like I'm dying. Dean. Dean!"

Dean pulled him tightly into a hug. He was shaking so much and crying into Dean's arms. 

"D-Dean," Cas managed to choke out, "Wh-what's happening to me." 

"Shh. You're having a panic attack. It'll be over soon. I promise," he pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead, "You're safe. I promise."

"Dean I'm gonna vomit, I'm gonna die. My chest I-I"

"Shh," he kissed him softly on his lips, "as long as I'm here you're safe okay?" He took his thumb and wiped Cas' tears off his face. He had stopped hyperventilating, but he was still shaking, "I'll keep you safe." 

Dean laid down on the bed with Cas, pulling the covers over them, he wrapped his arms around Cas' waist and kissed his bare back. 

"I'll keep you safe." Dean whispered again. 

He knew it was an empty promise, tomorrow they'd have to act like they were only friends again, like nothing had happened between them and Dean would have to go home without Cas. He dreaded it. He hates the idea. But for now, Dean could cherish the moment. Now he was with Cas. He had to keep him safe. Now, he was borderline content.


End file.
